Key Scripture: James 1:2–4 (NIV)
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
Introduction: Growth Requires Us to Face Something
Embracing growth in our lives is so important. We have a choice when it comes to the pressures, challenges, and unexpected circumstances of life. We can either fold under the pressure, allow our circumstances to defeat us, or choose to learn, develop, and grow through what we experience.
But let's be honest: accepting growth is not always as easy as it sounds.
Sometimes growth requires us to do things we would rather not do. It requires us to have conversations we have been avoiding, make decisions we have been putting off, acknowledge things we would rather ignore, and confront areas of our lives that may be uncomfortable.
In other words, sometimes growth requires us to deal with the elephant in the room.
You know what I mean. Those situations, conversations, behaviors, unresolved issues, and circumstances that everyone knows exist, but nobody wants to address.
We pretend they aren't there. We work around them. We avoid certain conversations. We convince ourselves that if we leave things alone long enough, perhaps they will eventually work themselves out.
But the truth is, ignoring something does not necessarily make it disappear.
And while we are busy avoiding the elephant, we may be missing an opportunity for God to develop something within us and possibly others connected to the situation as well.
Let's look at growth from the perspective of a seed.
The Growth Process: There Is More Happening Beneath the Surface
When we look at how plants and flowers grow, we see something interesting.
A seed doesn't immediately become a beautiful flower. There is a process.
First, the seed absorbs water, and its outer covering begins to break open. Then roots begin to develop, anchoring the plant and allowing it to absorb the nutrients it needs. Eventually, a shoot emerges from the soil, leaves begin to form, and the plant continues developing.
There are several things necessary for this process:
Water: Provides the hydration necessary for growth.
Nutrients: Supply what the plant needs to develop.
Oxygen: Supports the processes that sustain life.
Light: Provides the energy needed for continued development.
Proper conditions: Create an environment where growth can take place.
But here's something I want us to think about: before we ever see a beautiful flower, there is a lot happening underneath the soil that we cannot see.
The roots are developing. The foundation is being established. The seed is going through a transformation.
And isn't that much like our walk with God?
Sometimes God is working on things within us that nobody else can see. He is developing our character, strengthening our faith, changing our attitudes, and helping us recognize areas that need attention.
We may want to see the beautiful flower, but God knows there is a process that must take place first.
As Christians, we must embrace growth because when we stop growing, we risk becoming spiritually stagnant.
There may not be a physical death, but there can be other forms of deterioration in our lives. Bad habits can become established. Negative thinking can become our normal way of responding. Fear can begin controlling our decisions. Relationships can become unhealthy because we refuse to acknowledge our part in the problem.
We can become so comfortable with familiar patterns that we don't recognize how much they are limiting us.
So what triggers growth?
Life experiences! Challenging seasons, difficult decisions, unexpected changes, disappointments, and circumstances that force us to shift and pivot can all become opportunities for growth.
Romans 8:28 reminds us:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Notice that Scripture says God works in all things. It doesn't say that everything we experience will be good. Rather, God is able to work through our experiences and use them for His purposes.
Sometimes the very thing we want to avoid becomes the place where God develops our faith, strengthens our character, and teaches us something about ourselves.
And that brings us to an important point: we cannot fully embrace growth while continuously avoiding the things that require our attention.
Key 1: Don't Allow Anxiety to Keep You From Addressing What Needs Attention
Scriptures: Philippians 4:6–7; 2 Timothy 1:7; 2 Corinthians 10:5
One of the biggest reasons we avoid dealing with the elephant in the room is anxiety.
Anxiety can be fueled by the constant questions that bombard our minds:
What if I bring it up and things get worse?
What if they become angry with me?
What if they turn against me?
What if I lose the relationship?
What happens after I address the situation?
What if I don't know what to do next?
Sometimes we become so consumed with what might happen that we never take the necessary steps to address what is happening right now.
Philippians 4:6–7 instructs us not to be anxious but to bring everything to God through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving. It goes on to tell us that God's peace will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
There is something powerful about taking the very thing that is causing us anxiety and bringing it before God.
Instead of allowing our minds to run through every possible negative outcome, we can pause, pray, and ask God for direction.
Key points:
Don't allow imagined outcomes to control your present decisions.
Pray before you react or respond.
Ask God for wisdom about how and when to address the situation.
Recognize that God's peace does not always mean the situation will be easy; it means you don't have to navigate it without Him.
Don't confuse avoiding confrontation with having peace.
Another important Scripture is 2 Corinthians 10:5, which tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ.
This means we must become intentional about what we allow to occupy our minds.
For example, let's say you have a coworker who has been giving you a difficult time. This person may be loud, disrespectful, spread rumors, or create unnecessary tension.
You know a conversation needs to take place, but before you even approach this individual, your mind begins creating an entire scenario.
You imagine the attitude, the arguments, the negative response, and everything that could possibly go wrong.
Before the conversation even happens, you have already experienced it ten different times in your mind!
But this is where we must take authority over our thoughts.
2 Timothy 1:7 tells us:
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
You can meditate on this Scripture, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide your words, and ask God to help you approach the situation with wisdom and self-control.
Practical application: When a negative thought enters your mind, don't entertain it. Identify it, challenge it with the truth of God's Word, and redirect your thinking.
Remember, you cannot always control how another person responds, but you can seek God's guidance in how you respond.
Proverbs 29:25 also reminds us that the fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Don't allow the fear of someone's reaction to become a prison that prevents you from moving forward.
Key 2: Recognize When You Are Repeating Unhealthy Patterns
Scriptures: 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 12:2
Sometimes the elephant in the room isn't just a current situation. Sometimes it is a pattern that has been present in our families, relationships, or personal lives for generations.
Think about how many families have developed a culture of avoiding difficult conversations.
Something happens, but nobody talks about it.
Someone is hurt, but nobody acknowledges it.
There is conflict, but instead of addressing it, everyone moves on as though nothing happened.
People learn to sweep things under the rug, keep quiet, and pretend everything is fine.
And over time, these behaviors become normal.
But just because something has been practiced for generations doesn't mean it is healthy or that it must continue.
We must be willing to recognize when we are repeating patterns that do not align with God's Word.
Second Corinthians 5:17 tells us:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
What a powerful reminder!
When we come into a relationship with Christ, we are not required to continue living according to every pattern, habit, or mindset we inherited or developed along the way.
We have the opportunity to embrace a new way of living.
Romans 12:2 also instructs us not to conform to the pattern of this world but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds.
Transformation requires a willingness to think differently, respond differently, and make different choices.
Key points:
Identify patterns that repeatedly create unhealthy outcomes.
Stop using tradition or family history as justification for unhealthy behavior.
Recognize that forgiveness does not mean ignoring harmful behavior.
Understand that breaking a cycle may require you to do something others before you were unwilling to do.
Allow God's Word to shape your responses rather than simply following what feels familiar.
Sometimes you may be the first person in your family willing to have an honest conversation, establish a healthy boundary, seek help, or acknowledge that something needs to change.
That doesn't mean you are disrespecting your family. It means you are recognizing that growth requires change.
Key 3: Don't Allow Past Trauma to Paralyze Your Progress
Scriptures: Psalm 18:29; Ephesians 4:23–24; Isaiah 41:10
Another reason we may avoid the elephant in the room is because of past trauma.
Sometimes what we are dealing with today reminds us of something painful we experienced yesterday.
Perhaps you were in a relationship where expressing your feelings resulted in arguments, rejection, or emotional pain. Maybe you grew up in an environment where speaking up was discouraged. Perhaps you experienced betrayal, disappointment, or situations that left you feeling powerless.
As a result, you learned to remain quiet, avoid conflict, and protect yourself by not addressing certain things.
And while those responses may have developed as ways to cope with difficult experiences, they can eventually prevent us from moving forward.
We become so afraid of experiencing something painful again that we avoid situations that could actually lead to healing and growth.
But we must understand that our past does not have to dictate our future.
Psalm 18:29 says:
"For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall."
This is a reminder that with God, we can overcome obstacles that once seemed impossible.
There are walls in our lives that may have been built through fear, rejection, disappointment, and painful experiences. But God is able to strengthen us as we move beyond those barriers.
Ephesians 4:23–24 encourages us to be renewed in the spirit of our minds and put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
This is transformation from the inside out.
Key points:
Acknowledge the impact of past experiences instead of pretending they never happened.
Don't allow yesterday's pain to make every decision for tomorrow.
Ask God to help you recognize unhealthy thought patterns and responses.
Understand that healing is a process, and it is okay to seek wise counsel or professional support when needed.
Give yourself permission to grow beyond what once held you back.
We must also recognize that dealing with trauma does not mean forcing ourselves into unsafe situations or confronting people who may cause further harm.
Sometimes growth means establishing boundaries, seeking support, and recognizing that we no longer have to remain in an unhealthy environment.
God can give us the wisdom to know the difference.
Key 4: Allow God to Prune What Is Preventing You From Growing
Scripture: John 15:1–2
John 15:1–2 tells us:
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
Let's think about what pruning means.
A gardener removes certain things from a plant so that it can grow more effectively and produce more fruit.
Pruning isn't always comfortable, but it serves a purpose.
And sometimes God allows us to recognize things in our lives that need to be addressed, released, or changed.
It may be an attitude, a habit, an unhealthy attachment, a mindset, or even the way we have been responding to certain circumstances.
We may be holding on to things simply because they are familiar.
But familiar doesn't always mean beneficial.
Sometimes the elephant in the room is something within us that we have refused to acknowledge.
Maybe it's pride that prevents us from apologizing.
Maybe it's fear that prevents us from making a necessary decision.
Maybe it's resentment that keeps us emotionally tied to something that happened years ago.
Maybe it's an unwillingness to accept responsibility for our own behavior.
Whatever it is, we must be willing to allow God to work on us.
Key points:
Ask God to reveal areas in your life that need attention.
Be willing to acknowledge your own contribution to unhealthy situations.
Release attitudes and habits that are no longer producing good fruit.
Don't resist every uncomfortable season; ask what God may be teaching you.
Remember that pruning is connected to greater fruitfulness.
We often pray for God to change our circumstances, but sometimes we also need to pray for Him to change something within us.
Growth is not just about what we want God to do around us. It is also about what He wants to develop within us.
Reflection: What Is the Elephant in Your Room?
Let's take a moment to reflect.
What is the one thing in your life that you know needs attention, but you have been avoiding?
Is it a conversation you need to have?
Is it a decision you have been postponing?
Is it an unhealthy pattern that keeps showing up in your relationships?
Is it fear that has prevented you from stepping into something God has placed on your heart?
Or is it something from your past that continues to influence how you respond to situations today?
Perhaps you have become so accustomed to working around the elephant that you no longer recognize how much space it occupies in your life.
But consider this: the elephant doesn't disappear simply because we refuse to acknowledge it.
Avoidance may temporarily keep us from experiencing discomfort, but it doesn't necessarily resolve the issue.
And sometimes the longer we avoid something, the more complicated it becomes.
Today, ask yourself:
What have I been avoiding that God may be prompting me to address?
What fear or mindset is keeping me from moving forward?
Is there a pattern in my life that I need to stop repeating?
What do I need to release so that I can experience greater growth?
What is one step I can take, with God's guidance, toward a healthier and more fruitful life?
Don't feel that you have to resolve everything in one day. Growth is a process.
But you do have to be willing to take the first step.
Closing: Keep Growing, Even When Growth Is Uncomfortable
I want to leave you with this thought.
Growth begins within us.
We plant the seed of God's Word in our lives daily. We water that seed through prayer, obedience, and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us. We protect what God is developing within us by taking our thoughts captive and refusing to allow fear, negativity, and unhealthy patterns to take root.
And as we continue growing in Christ, we begin to see the evidence.
We become more willing to acknowledge what needs to change, rather than continuously avoiding it.
We must remember that sanctification is a lifelong process. God is continually working in us, shaping us, teaching us, and helping us become more like Christ.
Proverbs 24:16 reminds us:
"For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again."
We may stumble along the way. We may make mistakes. We may have moments when we don't get it right.
But with Christ, we can get back up.
Growth doesn't mean we will never face another difficult situation. It means we are developing the faith, wisdom, and spiritual maturity to face those situations differently.
And remember, growth doesn't end simply because we have overcome one challenge. There will always be opportunities to mature, learn, and become more like Christ.
So don't become so comfortable with what is familiar that you miss what God is trying to develop in your life.
And don't allow the elephant in the room to take up so much space that there is no room left for growth.
Face what needs to be faced. Release what needs to be released. Learn what needs to be learned. And allow God to continue developing you into the person He has called you to be.